* * Loving the place you live

Melody Warnick is where she belongs. And she wrote a new book about living in and loving Blacksburg. I met her recently and was enthralled by her story. In fact, the title of the book is This is Where You Belong: The art and science of loving the place you live.*

She said, “I wrote the book because I’d been moving around a lot for jobs and graduate school. My husband and I had lived in Iowa, Maryland, and Utah. We were living in Austin, Texas. We weren’t too satisfied with it. It was hot and there was too much traffic. We had heard about Blacksburg from a friend in Iowa, and he raved about it. So when an opportunity came up for my husband at Virginia Tech, he applied, got the job, and we moved here.  

“We told the friend that we liked Iowa. He said, ‘This town is nice, but it’s no Blacksburg, Virginia!’ He was born and raised here and was a huge fan. He talked it up in such a way that it lodged in our brains that Blacksburg was Mecca. He was so loyal to Blacksburg and loved it so much that no other place could compare.

“We’d never been here. We had high hopes. When you move, you have a fresh start. You anticipate being a different person and your life will be amazing! We got here in 2012 and it was a rough start. It was rainy. People said ‘We call it “Bleaksburg.”’ We were used to living in places with amazing restaurants and there weren’t as many here. The library wasn’t as big. We were thinking we’d made a huge mistake. I was thinking we’d move again in a couple of years. But I realized I didn’t want to keep doing that. It wasn’t fair to keep uprooting our kids. We needed to settle someplace and be happy there. I decided to try to fall in love with my town. And that led to the book.”

I asked if there was a day when that became easy.

“There was not a single day, but there were epiphany moments. I spent a year writing. I did ‘Love where you live experiments.’ I made actions to feel more connected to the community. Eating at local restaurants. Shopping at local businesses. Going to the farmer’s market. Hiking. I remember a day when I rode bicycles with my daughter down the Huckleberry Trail to the Farmer’s Market and thinking how awesome it was. I found I’d started to love it!

“We did a hike to a local falls. It was a beautiful day. Driving home I was struck by how beautiful it is here. I started having moments of looking around and feeling lucky to be here.

“People are mobile, and they have a hard time settling. Twelve percent of the population, around 38 million people, move every year. But there are few books about it. Moving is overwhelming. Once you arrive, you can feel lost. I quoted a woman in the book who said about her new community, ‘If I was to die, nobody within 50 miles would care.’ I realized lots of people were having this experience. What was the process of feeling at home? How could someone accelerate that process?

“One of the things that helps you love the place you live is an appreciation for what it offers. There’s really lots to do (here). There are amazing people. Research has shown that small towns are easier to love and people are more attached. But there are challenges. Sometimes people feel isolated. Where are the art museums, and amusement parks? You have to rethink your idea of what to do on weekends and what entertainment is. If you consider yourself more urban, it can be hard.

“People here are incredibly friendly. People say hello to strangers. Shopkeepers are friendly and try to remember who you are. Nobody should take that for granted.”

I asked what surprised her as she worked on the book.

She said, “I was surprised at how malleable it is to change your feelings about a place. The landscape here was initially confining and claustrophobia-inducing. That was internal to me. Some people love mountains. Some love the beach. It’s who you are. But I wanted to resolve my issue with that claustrophobia. So I went hiking, canoeing, and bicycling. That experience of being in nature totally changed my feeling. By getting out in it and having fun altered my perception. You can work at changing your perceptions.

“The ideas of place attachment work everywhere. Being an active participant in your community will help you appreciate what your community is good at.”