* * Learning Spanish: It's no laughing matter!

"Soy."  Nothing to it.  It is a salty brown liquid condiment made from soybeans.  Everybody knows that.  But I am studying Spanish in anticipation of my upcoming Rotary International sponsored visit to Bolivia where I am the leader of a team with 4 members.  In Spanish, “soy” means “I am.” 

This seems like such a simple thing to remember.  But at my current age, memorization does not come easily.

I recently met my daughter’s boyfriend's parents.  They are Dave and Diane.  This is easy for me because I know another couple named Dave and Diane, and I simply made that association.  I am a nuts and bolts thinker.  When I can piece together an association, I typically can remember things.  I have heard the Spanish term Cinco de Mayo.  When I finally got it through my thick skull that Cinco was the Spanish word for the number five, and that Mayo was the Spanish word for the month of May, I became able to remember both the number and the month.  Without these little clues, things are pretty hopeless.

The Rotary club has provided some money to pay for educational stipends for me and my team.  So I have hired a tutor.  My wife Jane has come along to these classes, ostensibly so that later on, she and I can converse in Spanish, building mutual skills.  She is infinitely more capable than I am with a background in languages including English, Latin, Russian, French, and Spanish.  All the years that she was learning this stuff, I was wasting my time learning things like the thermodynamics of industrial power plants.  (Note to my professors, I am just kidding about the wasting of time.  The thermodynamics of industrial power plants is phenomenally good knowledge to have.  I think.  And anyway, I’ve forgotten that, too.)  And let's be honest here: Jane is much smarter in the first place.

Our teacher is an adorable young woman who teaches Spanish for a living and lived in Spain for a few years.  She says complimentary things – “Muy buen!” – and giggles at my obvious struggles and bumbling inability to remember words for more than just a few seconds.  For example, three days ago I knew that the word “ensenar” means in Spanish to teach.  I knew this for about five minutes.  Yesterday, I also knew that the word “ensenar” means in Spanish to teach.  And I knew it for another five minutes.  At this very moment, I know that the word ensenar in Spanish means to teach.  In about fifteen minutes, if you ask me what the word ensenar in Spanish means, I won't have the foggiest idea.  Why?  Because it has no association in my simpleton's mind to teaching.

During class, Jane often looks at me with an outraged and unsympathetic expression of mixed astonishment and impatience as I fumble around trying to make sense of what seems so obvious to her.  “Me gusta cantar y bailar!” I exclaim proudly.  Then I forget what it means.  When I see sentences like, “Sally salta a la piscina con su perro,” and I don’t know a word or two, I’ll make up stuff.  “Sally likes salt when she eats her dog with her pincushion.”  More laughter.

It could be worse.  Some Rotary groups go to Japan or Israel and have to learn Japanese or Hebrew.  At least Spanish has the good manners of using the same alphabet as English.

On Tuesday, March 29, 2011, I will board an airplane at a nearby airport and many tired hours later will arrive in La Paz, Bolivia.  When I do, my team and I will be greeted by many smiling strangers who will be our hosts.  Likely, several of them will know some English but for the most part, they will better know Spanish.  By that time, I will probably have a rudimentary and somewhat comical grasp of this new language.  I will stumble along, say embarrassing things, and laugh and smile a lot.  Five weeks later, I will board another airplane in La Paz, Bolivia to return home.  By that time, I am certain I will have a much better grasp of Spanish.  Our Bolivian hosts will hopefully think our team is a wonderful group of attractive young people with exceptional talents and ambassadorial skills with a leader who is friendly if a bit slow on the uptake.

In the meantime, I will simply do the best I can, laugh and smile a lot, and hope not to embarrass myself, my team, or my country.  Strangely, I am looking forward to it with tremendous anticipation.

By the way, If you have a curious mind, "soy sauce" in Spanish is "salsa de soya."  Makes sense.  Tomorrow, ask me if I still remember it.